Sunday, November 20, 2011


I gave in and took an Ambien about 30 minutes ago. I don't know why I'm not asleep yet. I've been taking them off and on for a little more than two months now. And despite a really hysterical list of potential side effects, such as sleep walking and sleep talking and sleep driving and sleep screwing, the only thing I've done on Ambien was sleep.

Gene Simmons' wife-like partner was taking a sleep medication and she started preparing meals and freezing them while she slept.  I'll assume she's been sleep screwing Gene Simmons for the past 30 years because there is no way she'd want to consciously do that.  I mean, would you?

If tonight is my night to do shit while I sleep, this is what I'd like to accomplish:

1) Run for 60 minutes, at about a 10 min/mile pace.
2) Photocopy that gingerbread recipe for my friend.
3) Maybe I could combine 1 and 2 and just run the recipe to / from her house. She is about exactly 3 miles from where I live, so that would be an effective use of my sleeping time.
4) Mop the kitchen floor and hallway.
5) Sand, prime and paint Paolo's bedroom. I spent the better half of today sketching out what the finished room should look like; now I need the energy, motivation and the power to stop time so I can get it done.
6) Help a friend out with a story.
7) Help a different friend out with a letter.
8) Finish a long overdue 'going away' gift for a friend who went away 4 months ago.
9) Send out the "Save the Date" thing that I said I'd send out.
10) Write a newsletter.
11) Retreat to my newly acquired "Craft Corner" and craft a CPAP machine for Carlo out of plastic cups, hot glue, twine, some pipe cleaners and glitter. I can't stand it when that jackass breathes and snores when I can't sleep.
12) Vacuum the extra glitter out of the bed.
13) Shave my legs.
14)  Finish the Christmas lists with the kids.
15) Drink another glass of milk.
16) Bake at least 3 kinds of freezable Christmas cookies. That shit won't make itself.
17) Start my sister's wedding gift.
18) Make Thanksgiving dinner grocery list.

That feels like a solid list. A totally, manageable list of things to achieve during an 8-hour period of Ambien-induced rest.

Fingers crossed.  


  1. TTT...I have had raging insomnia since we left Chicago, and tonight is no exception. I found your blog tonight and have been laughing for an hour. Thank you sista! The CPAP part had me giggling so hard, S woke up and told me to shut up and get to sleep. Can you glue gun a muzzle made of smelly burlap and wine corks for me to use on him?

  2. Thanks, Christie! I hate to hear of your insomnia, but seeing some of your middle-of-the-night posts, I figured you had a a problem, too!!

    Anything can be glue gunned. ANYTHING.

    Happy Holidays!