Monday, November 21, 2011

Jute, and Coffee with Jim

Jute is cheap, and it smells kind of ... earthy. Here's something you may not know about jute: it will destroy your fingers.

I'm at the beginning of my Thanksgiving preparation and in addition to a shit-ton of planning, it involves a good deal of crafting.

I almost feel shameful about the crafting I'm doing.  But I can't stop myself. Half of the fun of Thanksgiving, my absolute favorite holiday of all time, is planning the tablescape.

And now I want to hang myself for using the word, 'tablescape'.

At the beginning of the day, I had no intention of tackling the tablescape. My plan was to drop the kids to school and then head back home to rip up some notecards.  This is what the notecard wall looked like this morning by 8:30 am:



Instead, I dropped the kids to school, started to shoot the shit with my friend Jim who happened to be out of coffee and needed to hit Target to restore his supply. I ended up following him to Target for some random shopping and coffee.

He derailed my plan.

After coffee and a quick run through the store to pick up necessities like food coloring, cat food, wide-ruled notebook paper and a tablecloth, I was far calmer than I started out this morning. I got back home by 10 am and instead of tackling the wall...I started searching Pinterest and Home Depot and Ikea.

De. Railed.

My internet research took me back to Target, to a Dollar Tree store where I purchased nothing and feared for my life, Home Depot and Hancock Fabrics. I scored big at Home Depot. Jute is cheap.  So I bought a lot of it.

And here's what I did with it:


I wrapped empty wine bottles in jute cord because I think they'll look pretty on the table and the buffet. Between the snarly cord and the hot glue, my fingers are dead. Typing, in fact, hurts.

After I wrapped the wine bottles (4 in all), I was thinking about napkin rings. To date, I've never had a sit-down dinner for more than 8 people. So, I've got 8 napkin rings, 8 napkins, 8 white plates, etc. This Thanksgiving, I'll have a table for 10, so I need to make sure I've got everything in the right quantities. 

I was getting ready to wrap jute around paper towel rolls, glue the shit out of them, and then cut them down into 2- or 3-inch napkin rings. Then I remembered I knew how to knit. So I tried this:


This isn't the final napkin ring, nor is it the actual napkin I'll be using, but this is the general idea. Now...I've got to make 9 more by Saturday.  Hopefully they won't be covered in my blood.

After the knitting experiment, I thought about placecards, and came up with this:


My cork/placecard idea is clearly not an original one. But I had the corks and I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be happy to see a footprint in front of them while they're chawing down on crispy turkey skin and whipped sweet potatoes.

All I have to do yet is get some river rocks and finish my burlap table runner and then my tablescape will look awesome. So you know, the woman that cut the burlap for me at Hancock Fabric was a bit of a bitch. She kept going on and on about how smelly the burlap was and how she just didn't want to touch it because it was so rough. I assured her --twice-- that I would defunk the burlap before I put it on my Thanksgiving table. She didn't seem to buy it.

I retracted that whore's non-existent Thanksgiving invitation before I left the fabric cutting station.  I don't understand why some people just can't turn the filter on.

"I'm buying your fucking burlap. Don't worry about how it smells or whether or not it will ruin my Thanksgiving dinner. Cut it, put the sticker on it and let me out of this ghetto shithole. Also, the coworker that manned this station earlier? The one with the kitty cat tapestry vest? I bet he wouldn't have given me shit about my smelly burlap."

Tomorrow: Ignore Jim and head directly to Ikea.  Then back to the Dollar Store for those stupid river rocks.













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