Thursday, November 3, 2011


Hectic day of maid-like, mom-like, wife-like stuff. Stopped at the store at 2 pm to grab some groceries before grabbing the kids at school. STARVING. Only had two cups of coffee, a few fun-sized candy bars and a slice of American cheese all day long.

Got into the store, picked up everything on my list and realized that I could quite possibly die before I hit the playground for kid retrieval. My body was consuming my limited reserves -- death was imminent. So, I went to the pre-made sandwich section and grabbed a store-made egg salad sandwich. And a chocolate milk. I checked out and headed to the car.

It was grey and raining. The dampness cut right through me. I got the groceries into the car as quickly as possible, put the keys in the ignition, turned on the radio and the heat and got to work on the egg salad sandwich. I had 7 minutes of 'me' time, in my car, in the Dominick's parking lot, before I had to be at the school.

That egg salad sandwich was among the worst things I've ever consumed. There was some dried egg salad on the outside of the roll that totally looked like ear wax. I must have been really hungry, because I saw 'ear wax' sandwich, and I just kept eating. And swilling chocolate milk. Really ... why am I not 500 pounds?  But the fun thing was that while I was chawing down on an egg-salad sandwich in my car during what was probably the most un-hot moment of my life, "Leave It," came on the radio and I enjoyed one of my guilty pleasures: Yes.

Yes: the progressive art-rock band of the 70s (and 80s) that actually had oodles of critical acclaim which might be prompting you to ask, "Why a guilty pleasure?". Guilty, I guess because I liked them in college, until I met a guy, whose name may or may not have rhymed with Play SickGurney, who was a big, big, big, creepy fan of Yes and Rush. He killed both for me. Guy Whose Name Rhymes with Play SickGurney not only dressed exclusively in Yes and Rush tour t-shirts, but he'd also answer his phone, "Geddy Lee."  He just ruined Yes and Rush for you, too, didn't he? That fucking Play SickGurney.

Since GWNRWPSG ruined Yes, I've kept my Yes love closeted, even though "90125" continues to be one of my favorite albums ever. My Yes love is so closeted, that "90125" hasn't even made it to my iPhone, although it does happen to be on my "Stranded-On-An-Island-And-You-Have-10-Playlists-To-Play-For-The-Rest-Of-Your-Life" list. 

"Leave It" is four minutes and 14 seconds long. In four minutes and 14 seconds, I finished 6" of an 8"  long egg salad sandwich and a 16 oz chocolate milk. I was reminded of a weird friend from college and made a mental note to get "90125" onto my iPhone: it would probably be good for running.

5 hours later, I'm still burping up that god damn egg salad sandwich.

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