Monday, December 12, 2011

The Bet

Before Thanksgiving, Husband and I were watching a bunch of "Man vs. Food" episodes. A bunch of 'em. In a row.

You're familiar with the show, right? The host travels throughout the US and attempts to eat ginormous quantities of food, usually in a predetermined time, to win a free t-shirt or get his picture on the restaurant wall.

After a few years, the host got fat. Really fat. I'm guessing a medical professional intervened at some point because he's not allowed to actually do the food challenges anymore.

His cholesterol levels must be lethal.

Anyway...since he can't eat, he finds people to take the challenge and he becomes their 'cheerleader'. Their big, fat, cheerleader.

So, we watched an episode that featured a challenger who claimed he first got into competitive eating on a dare: someone bet him he couldn't drink a gallon of milk in one hour. He claims he did it in 15 minutes.

I know I talk about all the wine and booze I drink. But here's a lesser-known fact: I pound milk every night before I go to bed. Sometimes, I start as early as 7 pm.

I fucking love milk.

I weigh anywhere from 112 to 117 lbs. That food challenger was probably a good 200 lbs, and a coach at the University of New Hampshire. He clearly has more storage than I do.

But what I lack in size, I make up for in passion. And I fucking love milk.

So, I blurt out to my husband that I could drink a gallon of milk in 40 minutes.

Husband: "Bullshit."

"Bet me. Bet me. Bet me." I respond. "Look at how much milk I drink every night before bed."

Husband: "How much does that glass hold? How many glasses do you have? How much is a gallon?"

Smart phones come out of their holsters.

A US gallon is 128 fluid ounces. Depending on the container I use, my glasses hold between 12 to 16 ounces of liquid. I usually drink at least 3 glasses, sometimes 4. That's a range of 36- to 64-ounces of milk each night, spanning a time period of 20- to 60-minutes, depending on who is still awake and willing to get me more milk.

I'm also kinda lazy.

Here's where I'm at: If I'm already drinking 64-ounces of milk without even trying -- I'm halfway there. If this were a marathon, I'd be banging out 13 miles with little to no effort. I'd be at 2 hr 15 min long runs with little to no effort. I'm halfway there, bitches.

Husband asked me yesterday when we were going to set a date for the ... the ... The Milk Off?

I had about 40 ounces of milk tonight (we're 2% drinkers, here). I'm looking forward to one more glass on my way back to bed.

I think I'm ready to set a date. I'll keep you apprised of the date and the training schedule.  Want to set myself up for success, right?

1 comment:

  1. As a purveyor of Dairy and Dairy by-products, I feel this falls completely in my bailiwick.

    I myself have even been challenged with said bet, but I declined as my passion for the product isn't as great as your own, and for the fact that 4 litres is a fuckton of milk. (Not sure if fuckton is the Metric or U.S standard of measurement.)

    However, if you are already downing 64 ounces of milk a night, it would be a tragedy for you not to attempt this feat.

    I eagerly await the results.