I would like to find out where my UPS delivery guy lives.
And then I'd like to find out what time he goes to bed and generally, what time he starts to drift to sleep.
Then I'd like to go to his house at that precise time that his body is giving in to deep, dreamy sleep, and ring the shit out of his doorbell.
Son of a bitch! I spent another night wide awake from about 1 am to ... the usual, 4 am. I also got a little pissin' drunk (note: red wine + egg nog = spins) so I've spent the morning walking around like a retarded zombie. A few minutes before 1 pm, I gave in to the couch -- the kids have their holiday pageant tonight and I need to be alive-looking for it.
I actually felt like I was relaxing. I was aware that I couldn't feel my legs and not in a I've-pinched-a-nerve kind of way, but in a you-are-getting-sleepy kind of way. I was falling asleep.
And then I heard the truck roll to a stop out front. I heard him cut the motor. 45 seconds later, my doorbell was ringing.
UPS Delivery Man -- I shake my fist in the air angrily at you.