Friday, December 2, 2011

Vagina Cake Balls

Can you see this?

I don't know how to make it any larger -- the fact that I was able to get a screen shot is pretty amazing.  So...squint a bit, right under "Search Keywords"... Can you see it now?

10 people have been directed to my blog because they typed in these keywords/phrases:
  • asians vagina
  • goofy vaginas
  • pussy vagina ornament 
  • vagina cake balls

So, I guess I understand that when I call the photographic vignette of the 15-year old cat, "Pussy," my blog is going to turn up in some searches.  Similarly, I guess that "pin" of vagina cupcakes in the "Pinterest" entry has gotten me some views as well (I'm sure those folks were gravely disappointed).

But I've gotta wonder who on earth is out there typing "vagina cake balls" into their browser?  Is this lunch break internet surfing? Or, an insomniac trying to pass some time while his/her partner is cutting some Z's?

The "pussy vagina ornament"? -- is this a little sumthin'-sumthin' to adorn your sumthin'-sumthin' or something to hang on the Christmas Tree? 'Cause nothing says "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus" like a pussy vagina ornament hanging from your Douglas Fir, right?

As for "Goofy Vaginas" .... well, aren't they all? I mean, really?

While the vagina has not been the reason for this blog, nor am I trying to confuse hard-working porn enthusiasts with pictures of the cat or someone else's creepy kitchen confections, I'll admit to having thrown the vagina talk around the playground a little bit this week.

The first time with a friend who admitted she really liked watching the Duggar's. Without a moment's pause I said, "What does her vagina look like?" And without a moment's pause, my friend raised her arms and stretched them out into the air as far as they could go.  Just like the "So Big" game you play with your baby:

Adult: "How big is Michelle Duggar's vagina?"
Child (arms outstretched): SO BIG!

The second time was a knee jerk reaction to another mom showing me her kids' artwork which he presented to her the second he busted out onto the playground.

Me: "I see a vagina!" (It looked like a card in a Rohrschach Test)

That outburst led to a 7-minute conversation about the hoo-hah between three women. The man that was in our group broke away and came back about 10 minutes later: "Is it safe?"

Yes. You are safe from the vagina.

Separately, 8 people came to my blog because they typed in "robin robinson, fox news, no santa."  Bitch had to make a public apology the night after her rant aired.

Five people came to me by typing in my URL. But that was most likely me, checking to see if anyone is reading.

Guessing the 'vagina' labels I put on this will draw heavy crowds on this cold, Friday night.



  1. OMG you crack me up! new reader here returning to blogging after a little hiatus and looking for good reads :)

  2. Come for the Vagina, stay for the jute-cord napkin rings. This blog has everything!

  3. Thanks, Monkey Dragon! MidLife write taglines for a living, don't you?

  4. We're basically the same - and I'm not sure who gets more awful search clicks. You, probably.

  5. Normally, I'd be more gracious and say, "No, no. You win!" but with (2) fu manchu mustache vagina and (2) glistening vagina portrait searches in late January, I'm gonna take the prize for this.

    The awful, awful, awful prize of knowing I pop up when someone is looking for a glistening vagina portrait.

    But "I'm an adult and I pooped my pants" is pretty damn fantastic, too.