Wednesday, February 8, 2012

It Only Hurts When...

I started Day 1, Week 1 of my six-week Push Up, Sit Up, Squats & Dips program on Monday night.  

Tuesday evening, in addition to the general annoyance of my unwanted tenant, Elizabeth, I started feeling the pain of Monday's workout.

I ended up doing 47 push ups, 43 sit ups, 38 squats (with an exercise ball against the wall because my balance is terrible) and 61 dips that night. You don't do them all in a row -- each exercise is broken down into a manageable number in sets of 5, with a minute breather between each set.

Today, it only hurts when I:
  • Roll over in bed
  • Apply deodorant
  • Take off a shirt
  • Put on a shirt
  • Cough
  • Am touched on my ribs (your attempt at getting some lovin' this morning was agonizing, Husband)
  • Try to work the garage door opener
  • Shift the car into 1st, 3rd or 5th gear
  • Depress the clutch
  • Go up stairs
  • Go down stairs

I haven't washed my hair yet today, but I'm going to assume that action will make me scream loudly.  I haven't laughed either, although I'm feeling like my chances of laughter, between Elizabeth and my full-out body pain, is slim.  But if someone does make me laugh, it'll probably hurt, too.

Every day I'm sufferin'.
I better be fucking ripped at the end of these six weeks. 'Cause I'm sufferin'. I'm sufferin' terrible.

Regarding Elizabeth ... I've made an appointment with my general internist tomorrow. She won't refer me to an ENT specialist until she's seen me. I'm hopeful she'll spot Elizabeth, pluck her out and my life will be dramatically improved by 12:30 pm, CST.  The worst case scenario, she refers me to an ENT and I have to continue life with Elizabeth until the ENT can see/kill her.

In the interim, I'm gargling with apple cider vinegar (thanks, Coach!) and waiting for husband to come home to hit me on my back, as hard as he can, to see if we can dislodge that bitch.  

It is safe to say that the violent 'burping' that Husband will perform on me tonight will also hurt.

Addendum (3:27 pm):
  • Turning left
  • Trying to open heavy glass doors at local pub to have burger with husband
  • Shaking fist violently at City of Evanston Traffic Cop after he ticketed my car
  • Adjusting hair claw
  • Lifting heavy glass of water to my mouth
Addendum 2 (5:49 pm):
  • Day 2, Week 1 of my six-week push up, sit up, squats and dips program
Addendum 3 (7:21 pm):
  • 60 minutes fartlek workout on trainer


  1. You have me scared to get back on the push-up/ squat/situp program again.. What if I have to wave at someone? What if I'm in a parade? Lol.

    Just wait - it'll be so worth it. You'll be a lean, mean, blogging machine.

  2. "What if I'm in a parade?"

    Your wife really has her hands full, doesn't she? :)

    I know these exercises are going to rock -- I'm excited to see results around week 3 ish. But because I'm me, I'm going to bitch about these fuckers every single day I have to do them.

  3. I am doing the same type of exercises in a boot camp class I am thighs are so shaky! My butt hurts, my calves hurt, but I am looking forward to the results!

    How's Elizabeth today?

  4. We will love this pain some day, right???? I will say that I'm taking them the same way I took running in the beginning: the single miles will lead to a 5k which will lead to a 13.1 (I skipped one or two levels!) which will lead to a 26.2....

    Elizabeth was a farce. A phony. A ruse. Looks like I have acid reflux.