Sunday, February 12, 2012

Happy Valentimes!

It's Sunday afternoon, and my kids don't have school tomorrow. The groceries are done. The laundry is folded. The bills are paid. 

We've got a bunch of nothing to do for some time, now. I plan on knitting for a few hours tonight.  But before I pick up my needles, I need to come up with our "day off" craft. And this week, we'll be making homemade Valentines for the class parties on Tuesday.

Of course, I turned to Pinterest. I've been flagging shit for months: something should come in handy.

I found this:

And this: 

So my thought was, use the paper clip bookmark and attach it to a handmade, paper heart that reads:

Valentine, You Read My Mind!

Daughter thought that sent an 'inappropriate message'.

Did I tell you I birthed Mother Theresa 11 years ago?

Next try:

Mark my word, Valentine.

No one found that funny. (It's a book mark, get it? You mark the words of the book.)

Okay, okay. How 'bout this:

You Read Me Like an Open Book, Valentine.

Daughter just kept laughing. "What's wrong with you, Mommy?"

Now, I'm desperate:

Reading is Sexy!

Laughing crickets.

Then Daughter suggests making fun of everyone that pronounces it, "Valentimes" instead of "Valentines". BLAM-O!

Dog says Valentimes! 

So we end up with...

Happy Valentimes Day, Brah!

We're going out to the alley, behind our garage, to score as much crystal meth as we possibly can. We'll put the ice into the two decades worth of extra button baggies I've saved and staple it to our homemade paper hearts. 

I look forward to Leland tackling me to the ground any minute now.

And some consider me dangerous, Leland. You may need to get rough.

Happy Valentimes, Leland. 



  1. Serious laughs - I wasn't surprised to see a Dog reference. Scoring Meth in the back alley is an ingenious use of local culture - nice to see the kids use that in their school work.

    Leland reminds me I have to work on my abs.

    Tell Mother Teresa that reading IS sexy - not as sexy as blogging, but close.

  2. They keep saying, "buy local!".

    Does Leland also remind you that you need to shave your armpits? (Is that weird???)

    Lastly ... I knew you'd appreciate this: earlier today, the ad below the last post was for Crack Addiction. Now, I see a Prilosec video/ad in the upper right.

    It's quite a life I lead....

  3. Shaving your armpits if you're a bloke isn't normal.


  4. You know what would totally kill my girl hard-on for Leland? Catching him in the shower shaving his pits.

    Game. Over.