Tuesday, March 20, 2012


This looks like a stick person doing a sit-up.
I've tried Twitter about 10 times in the past 2 years. 

I just don't get it. 

On one of my attempts at Twitter, I followed a trending topic: #Itsuckswhen. That got me to: It sucks when you're dancing with a chick at a club and she smells like baby shit and hot dog water.

That fucked me up in at least 3 dozen ways, and I broke free from Twitter.

I came back when my friend was crossing the English Channel: that was how her husband was updating those of us at home who were eager to know how close she was to the shores of France.

In the past week, I've made a real effort at having another go at it, mostly because a client of mine suggested we send our 'light' messages and/or interesting business-related articles via Twitter. That's fine. If I'm going to help people with their social media campaigns, I should have some level of understanding about Twitter.

I follow a handful of people. And about the same number of people are following me.  I have one friend, who is not on Facebook, that is on Twitter, so that's nice, too.

I've been in a dark bedroom all day -- I woke up with a migraine at 4 am -- daylight hurts like hell.  So with a dimmed laptop screen, I hopped on Twitter.

Most of the trending topics meant nothing to me. But then I found one: #rightbymyside.

Now I'm in business! Rick Crapster has spent the better part of the day in bed with me -- that'll be my trending post. Or tweet. Whatever.

Rick Crapster is for most of this migraine day. Black shirt covered in orange fur proves it.

I'm an asshole. 

Evidently, Nicki Minaj just released a song or video called "Right By My Side."  I am one of two people out of 8 gillion that did not  know this. The other person, Andrew P., has God #rightbymyside.

Why are we fans of this Twitter thing, again? And who the fuck is Nicki Minaj? 

I think I'll visit  #thingsyoudon'tsaybeforesex. I don't know how anything could go wrong with a trending topic like that.  I think I"m gonna go with, "You smell like baby shit and hot dog water" @ #thingsyoudon'tsaybeforesex.

I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. I go through phases with my Twitter usage.

    I'll have days where I tweet five or six times, and then I'll abandon it for a week. I think I should improve my consistency, but that would be too much like work.

    My main fear is Tweeting something with a spelling mistake. You could Tweet the meaning of Life, but spell it "teh" and you look like a retard.

  2. Would you look any worse than the person talking about baby shit and hot dog water? :)

  3. My only advice for Twitter (speaking as someone who last tweeted on 22 January and has a grand total of 111 tweets) is to avoid trending topics like the plague. They'll only depress you with the dazzling fuckwittedness of our future leaders.

    I'm @andyc882 by the way. I tweet at least bi-monthly, sometimes more.

  4. It is a high level of fuckwittedness.

    Last night, one of the trending topics was #ReplaceWordInMovieWithPenis. What was funny, however, was the # of people that were pissed that it was trending. Two tweets that I thought were hysterical: "Keep it classy, Twitter" and (Paraphrasing a bit) "Who thought of this? They should be shanked to death."

    So...some of our future leaders still have some common sense!

  5. Monkey Dragon -- I read your comment -- and then I deleted it. This should give you an idea of my tweeting saavy!